Inner Convos: Shifting Our Gaze Within

by B. Bad. Photography by Deun Ivory.

Big brands, and influencers alike, have capitalized on our longing to be better versions of ourselves; using product recommendations and optically curated lives of our internet faves, as a formulaic answer to becoming our best selves. They’ve shifted our focus from how to be our best self, to how we can be more like [insert influencer here]; making it the norm to constantly search for answers outside of ourselves.

We watch Instagram Stories as spectators looking into lives we know we’ll never lead, and often even deplete our bank accounts to purchase products in search of answers we’ll never find. All of this brings our anxiety, self doubt and depression to the forefront, pushing us further into the space we were actively attempting to dig ourselves out of.

We’ve created an entire culture and economy around forcing folks to look outside of themselves for answers, leading them further, and further from the truth that lies within. While we can utilize our sisters as resources, we must understand that their journey is their own, and is no direct representation of what ours will look like. It also must be said that many of our faves have mastered the art of curation—showing us the highs, and shielding us from the lows—which may lead us to feel like we’re the only ones who have bad, off or down days. Making us ponder the recipe for only radiating love and light, and ultimately, how to be more like them.

But we shouldn’t want to be more like someone else, because we each have a different role to play in our society. One that will snap together, almost magnetically, once we’re aligned to our true selves. However, we can’t align to that until we unlearn our unconscious expectations of what our best selves should look like. To then allow ourselves the space to look at our lives objectively, with fresh eyes, and to recognize that the first phase of our lives is like looking for buried treasure. Utilizing the breadcrumbs life leaves us, to lead us to the “X.”

Except the “X” that marks the spot is you, and your purpose. Like an alchemistic journey of returning to the start. To see everything through a new lens, to understand what it means, and why it exists. Nothing in this life is happenstance, therefore, we must look at every moment of our existence as one step closer towards that “X”. Starting with our traumas, as often times, they hold a direct thread to our mission and purpose. Which we come to learn is bigger than ourselves. Tangled between our pain and healing process, are channeled solutions, that are often meant to be shared. However, the what, is for us to determine on our own. As our individual purpose and mission is unique to us, and us alone.

While it can be difficult in an optic driven culture, to not have the desire, to be a carbon copy of what you see. We have to reprogram our minds, from believing that we are deficient in anything. To recognizing, that all we need is already within us. So as you’re collecting your breadcrumbs from life’s lessons, to lead you to that “X.” You will come to realize, that the buried treasure you’ve been searching for all along, is you.

B. Bad is an unapologetic, self-actualization content creator. Through her own awakening, birthed her mission, to act as an inner transformation catalyst, for other Black femmes. Helping them to both actualize, and build better relationships with themselves. She does this, through the themed unapologetic monthly series, via her blog, podcast, video series and newsletter. She took this mission from an individual effort to a collective one with the launch of her soul’s work, B. Loving. You can keep up with her content at, and you can follow her on Instagram at @bbadpr.